Earlier this week - I met a guy for drinks. It was a first meeting in person, after a couple of weeks of flirting, and getting to know each other over email. I was already emotionally involved with the Deity (post to follow about him later) - but Viking's profile was funny, and smart, and he had a great smile. So I sent him a note, even though I have a cat and he's allergic.
I thought it would just be a courtesy date, as recent discussions with Deity were about that "L" word that isn't lust and dating exclusively. I expected to go, and meet him, and have a pleasant time, and go home an hour later. I did not anticipate 6 feet 5 inches of very attractive, wicked intelligence and an ass that I wanted my legs wrapped around.
3 hours later... we'd had drinks, and dinner, and I couldn't stop my own leg from touching his. But it was late, and a work night, and there was the Deity's request of being exclusive to consider. We said goodnight. We kissed - just a soft, quick kiss that I wanted to be longer.
The next day.... I needed to consider reality - and sent him a note. The entire exchange follows, and is possibly the nicest "I can't be involved with you" note ever. That didn't help with the wanting, but definitely made the choice to pursue an exclusive relationship with the Deity MUCH easier to make.
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How would you define these for yourself?
Long term dating -
short term dating -
activity partners -
I am faced with a sudden dilemma, in that I met you last night, and enjoyed myself greatly - but have been asked by a guy I've been seeing casually if I'd consider being exclusive. He lives in <city> - so there's some distance involved. I'm still considering.
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Long term dating - I don't intend to marry again, but this might include living together and sharing households / financial commitments - anything from 'exclusive dating' on up to 'life partner' for lack of a better term.
short term dating - Fun & interesting to be around - strong physical attraction - may or may not be exclusive - perhaps a physical relationship - perhaps leading to the above category, but not necessarily.
activity partners - Fun and interesting to be around - minimal or no physical attraction - 'the friend zone'
Is the next question "where is
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It's the next natural question, yes.
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I was hoping to avoid having to answer that question.
A little background. I am (in spite of my engineering cred) at heart a hopeless romantic. I married my first wife, not because we were even remotely compatible or similar, but because I was head over heals, completely and absurdly in love with her - I couldn't bear the thought of not being near her always.
That has turned out to be the most drawn out, painful, costly, soul crushing decision I have ever made.
I vowed never again to listen to my heart in matters of the heart. I vowed that I would seek someone 'compatible' first and within that subset, look for someone attractive.
Somewhat to my own bemusement, you fall into the second category, but not the first. I had a wonderful time with you. I loved the fact that the whole time we were talking, your leg was pressed against mine and I could feel the warmth of you pressing against me. I am decidedly and uncomfortably aroused just writing about it now.
But you have kids, you have cats, you don't fit my oh so logical 'requirements' checklist in shape or form. My stupid reptile, chemically activated brain wants desperately to see you again and to explore the heat and release the tension that I know exists between us - my logical middle aged experienced mind knows that that is a recipe for disaster and I simply cannot allow any more disasters in my life.
If we do see each other again, it must needs be firmly in category three - activity partners - the friend zone - call it what you will, I can not - will not allow anything more between us. Anything more would lead only to hurt for you and I fear, might destroy me.
Christ that sounds so stupid and dramatic - like a teenager's meanderings. Apologies. Please understand, I do think you should agree to your friend's proposal - I can not give you the answer you seek.
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