Done. Told Dancer about dating Deity. (Deity has already heard about Dancer.) He took it well, and is fine (and fun!) about going forward as friends without benefits. I'm glad for this, as it will be good practice for being friends with someone even if a relationship didn't work out. And having a hot friend isn't all bad... as long as I am aware that it's also a bit like playing with fire.
We'll see how this goes.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Blind-sided
This week in my real identity - I joined google + to check it out and see if I will use it.
Within 10 minutes of creating my profile, Dancer had added me to his circles.
I had removed him as a friend on FB, because he's still hot, and I know I still have unresolved feelings for him, and I love Deity (who is so good for and to me.)
Dancer followed up with an email, and we've been exchanging polite notes for the past two days. I've disclosed this to Deity to hold myself accountable.
What I haven't disclosed is that my mind is racing, as is my pulse. I still have a crush on Dancer. I know it.
I know he's still single. I know he enjoyed my company. I'm pretty sure he's re-evaluating having a relationship with me based on our past interactions. These current interactions feel like an exploratory pursuit.
I am damning the timing, and the ridiculous nature of lust and want.
He and Deity are both great guys, in different ways. I sit here typing, contemplating what life with each might be like, acknowledging that emotionally, I am closer to Deity. We have so much in common, and he is so good to and for me. Much of the attraction Dancer holds is that I know him physically but there is still much about him to learn. I know the right thing to do - tell Dancer I'm seeing someone, and I could wish the timing was different - but it is so hard to do that because I do still -want- like him and I do want to know him more, and better. I don't know that I could just be his friend without wanting to be his lover.
Reminding myself of this sage advice from a friend - "You can't control your feelings. You can control your actions."
Self-control is good. Controlling ones actions is good. Now to figure out how to do the right thing.
Ah, men. Why can't you figure things out faster?
Ah, me. Why is it so hard to figure myself out faster?
Within 10 minutes of creating my profile, Dancer had added me to his circles.
I had removed him as a friend on FB, because he's still hot, and I know I still have unresolved feelings for him, and I love Deity (who is so good for and to me.)
Dancer followed up with an email, and we've been exchanging polite notes for the past two days. I've disclosed this to Deity to hold myself accountable.
What I haven't disclosed is that my mind is racing, as is my pulse. I still have a crush on Dancer. I know it.
I know he's still single. I know he enjoyed my company. I'm pretty sure he's re-evaluating having a relationship with me based on our past interactions. These current interactions feel like an exploratory pursuit.
I am damning the timing, and the ridiculous nature of lust and want.
He and Deity are both great guys, in different ways. I sit here typing, contemplating what life with each might be like, acknowledging that emotionally, I am closer to Deity. We have so much in common, and he is so good to and for me. Much of the attraction Dancer holds is that I know him physically but there is still much about him to learn. I know the right thing to do - tell Dancer I'm seeing someone, and I could wish the timing was different - but it is so hard to do that because I do still -want- like him and I do want to know him more, and better. I don't know that I could just be his friend without wanting to be his lover.
Reminding myself of this sage advice from a friend - "You can't control your feelings. You can control your actions."
Self-control is good. Controlling ones actions is good. Now to figure out how to do the right thing.
Ah, men. Why can't you figure things out faster?
Ah, me. Why is it so hard to figure myself out faster?
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